Darkest Night
by RogueAlly
Summary: A twist on the "what if New Moon had been different" theme, told in Bella's POV. Abandoned in the woods not once, but twice, this isn't a happy, let's-not-kill-the-humans Bella. Bella is out for vengeance, and she'll take it any way she can get it. AU/ExB (eventually)
1. Change

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters; they all belong to the creative mind of Stephenie Meyer. I'm just taking them out to play a bit.

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There are things that you should know about your enemies, aren't there? Little things like, oh, I don't know, the fact that as a vampire they might possess a gift that was the equivalent of heightened hearing. You would think that someone who could hear thoughts would have picked that one up, but apparently that was one of the many things he missed. He also missed that she was lurking, barely out of sight or scent, when he said goodbye. Maybe he was just concentrating too hard. After all, it's not every day that you destroy a soul.

So perhaps that's why he wasn't aware of her when he left me. He couldn't know that I would wander deeper into the woods, off the path, trying to find him, to beg him to take me back. He wouldn't have been in time, anyway.

She grabbed me before I saw her, her ice-cold fingers creating a vise around my wrist as she dragged me, with all the speed of a vampire, further into the woods. My feet barely touched the ground during those terrifying minutes.

Then she stopped abruptly and allowed me to drop to the ground. It was only then that I was able to focus on her, and what I saw should have scared me. I was too far gone for that, my mind already starting the process of shutting down.

"Hello, little one," she cooed at me in a high voice, her teeth bared in what some might have thought was a smile. I knew better.

"Victoria," I whispered. It didn't seem enough for her that I knew her name, though. She reached out and grabbed my face, her fingers digging into my bones until I heard several cracks.

"No screaming? What a pity. I would have liked to tell him how you screamed," she told me in that same high voice. I guess she wasn't just trying for a baby voice before. How strange to hear a voice like that coming from what I knew was a vicious killer.

"But then, maybe you'll tell him yourself, when you're ready," she whispered with a little giggle, bringing me closer. I felt her cold breath on my neck, and then all I felt was the pain.

I remembered what it felt like to have vampire venom in my blood. I was expecting that, from the moment I first saw her. I expected to feel myself drift away in the pain, like I had before when I was almost drained dry. It wasn't like that, though. She dropped me almost instantly. I was aware of nothing but the pain for what felt like a very long time. The forest was so dense that it was unlikely my screams were heard. I'm sure I did scream, although I don't remember that either, not at first. There was just the fire trying to eat me alive.

When the fire began to ease just a bit, she knew it. She knelt next to my head and stroked my hair, murmuring, "You and your boyfriend just had to kill my James. Now you will be something he can't stand, since he obviously prefers humans, and as for you, I'm going to take away everything you ever loved. James told me where your mother lives, and I already took care of your father while you were...away. I'll tell your mother you said hello." She giggled again and then was gone. I was alone in the forest again, writhing from the fire inside of me.

I felt it really start to ease in my fingertips and toes first. Then it began to recede, like a wave. I was relieved at first, until I realized that waves have two parts. There's the nice shallow end, and then there's the swell. The fire lapped deeper into my body, leaving my arms and legs, my head, and invading my chest. The white-hot flames licked at me, threatening to destroy every part of me. The fire swelled into my heart, and my heartbeat raced, too fast to really be mine, to be human.

And then there were no heartbeats.


	2. Running

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters; they all belong to the creative mind of Stephenie Meyer. I'm just taking them out to play a bit.

BPOV

I opened my eyes, which I'd squeezed tightly shut as the red slash of Victoria's mouth neared my neck. The forest around me was so clear, so beautifully green. I could see the individual pine needles brushing gently against the harsh brown bark cradling them, could see the blades of grass for yards when I turned my head slightly, so highly defined that it almost hurt to look at them. Inside I was cool, no more trace of fire. I couldn't help thinking that I should have been so happy; the night when this began should have been the best night of my life.

Now Charlie was dead. If Renee wasn't dead, she would be soon. And Edward was gone, of his own choice. He had left me to face a known danger in order to "protect" me from the potential danger he posed. Would he have stayed if he'd known Victoria was so close?

Nothing was right. I wasn't sure if anything would ever be right again.

I don't know how long I sat there, contemplating the glistening raindrops surrounding me as they fell, wondering if the hole inside of me would ever be mended. It probably wasn't very long, really. The thirst, after all, was what pulled me out of my stupor. My throat was parched. I had to feed. I had to survive in the hopes that I might somehow reach my mother before Victoria.

I was on my feet with that thought. The transition was smoother than I was used to, and that made me pause for a fraction of a second. Then I picked up what must have been the most delicious scent in existence. It smelled better than freshly baked bread, better than a perfectly grilled steak, although it had undertones of that and so much more. I knew instinctively what it was. Human. More than one, if my new senses could be trusted.

I didn't know who they were. I didn't care. My world was ended. Everyone I loved was gone, either dead or disappeared. What did it matter if these humans died, in the long run? All humans had to die sometime. Really, it would be a mercy to them to make it quick. Why should they have to endure the suffering of living any longer?

I crouched, prepared to take off on the chase, when a single word stopped me.

"No."

It was his voice. I turned, expecting to see him there, not sure if I wanted to fall into his arms or tear his throat out for leaving me like he had.

There was no one there. The little clearing Victoria had left me in was empty except for my own still form. I searched with my new, sharper sight, trying to get a glimpse of bronze through the moss-covered trunks, but there was not

I turned my attention back to the hunt, but the humans were already out of range. Damn. I was just about to try to track them when another scent reached me. It wasn't nearly as appealing, but my mind knew that it could be food, and I had to have something to quench the desert that my throat had become.

The scent led me only a few short strides away to where a black bear was making its way through the trees. I didn't pause as I leaped on it, knowing somehow that the angle was correct, that I would reach its throat before it managed to turn its cumbersome body around to fight me. The coarse fur met my fingers just an instant before I sank my teeth into the spot where the blood pulsed strongest. It filled my mouth, soothing my thirst but not at all satisfying my blood lust. Still, it would do as a beginning. The blood was wet enough, thick enough to appease me, but I knew it would not be for long. As soon as the bear was drained, I returned to sniffing the air, trying to find the next source of food. That was all I cared about. Hunting left me little time to think, to feel. I needed that.

Two elk later, I was full. I slipped back through the woods to Charlie's house, not sure what I would find there. I peered around a tree, careful not to let the rare new sunlight of the dawn touch my skin, just in case. The fresh breeze told me that there were no humans around. Perhaps the funeral was today. I didn't know how long my change had taken.

I ran to the back door, too fast to be seen by any human, and opened it with the spare key we kept above the door frame. Someone had thought to lock it, and if I wanted to keep them off my trail I couldn't just break off the doorknob. I would have to remember to lock it behind me. I went up to my room and began throwing clothes into a duffel bag. I tried not to think about the smell of old blood that came from Charlie's room as I passed it on the way out. Instead, I went to the cupboard and took all of the cash that we kept there for food. I would need it now, and Charlie wouldn't. I grabbed a picture of Charlie and me, smiling in a rare moment of total happiness around each other, from the mantel and tucked it in among my clothes. Then I left the house, shutting and locking the door behind me. The spare key was tucked back up above the door frame.

I knew that someday I would come back to find Charlie's grave, to say I was sorry. My memories of Charlie's love were still sharp, as were those of my mother and...things I didn't want to think about anymore. People I didn't want to think about. Everything else was starting to fade, as if it had never existed. I couldn't linger here now, though, waiting to be caught.

I waited in the forest until nightfall, and then I ran to the nearest ATM. Thankfully I remembered Charlie's pin number, and I had both his card and my own ready. With the money from the house, it would be just enough to get me a hotel in Alaska for a few days. I had a job to do there, a duty that Charlie's death and Renee's had placed upon me. I also knew that wild game was plentiful up there. While I didn't currently care much about the status of the human race, I thought I might one day, so I would try to be "vegetarian" as long as I could, despite being newborn. I had stopped just fine the previous night. Who was to say that I wouldn't be just as easily stopped next time? Of course, I didn't think about what had made me stop.


	3. Denali

I ran to Alaska. I got a map at a convenience store, holding my breath the whole time, and followed beside the Alcan up through Canada. There were plenty of hunting opportunities on my relatively leisurely two day trip, so I felt fine as I headed west towards Anchorage. Little towns dotted the snow-covered hills, but even the alluring smell of humanity there didn't stop me. This duty was too important.

I followed the map up through Anchorage, along the state's only "highway," skirting small towns already dusted in snow, until I reached the Denali national park. It was only then that I stopped and sniffed the air. I wasn't even sure what I was searching for, but I assumed that it would at least be similar to the way that…the others had smelled when I was a human. Cold and sweet, strange undertones of other scents that I couldn't quite define at the time.

The scent of vampire was faint. If I hadn't had the example of Victoria's scent from "our" clearing, I might not have recognized it, despite my human memories or even maybe because of the way they were slightly clouded in my mind. That hint of sweet perfume led me to stronger scents, until I made my way to a large log home buried deep in the pine-covered hills. I wondered idly if the federal authorities even knew that it existed, since I was pretty sure you weren't supposed to build on national park property.

The home was definitely occupied. Smoke rose from its chimney, which I found inexplicably amusing mixed with the strong scent of unfamiliar vampires. They wouldn't need the heat, after all. Perhaps it was for show, or perhaps it was to keep all of the pretty gadgets that vampires seemed to like to collect from freezing completely in this frigid climate. I shook off these idle thoughts and headed for the closest window.

I had never seen the Denali "cousins" before, but he had described them to me, at least in that there were five of them, four females and a male. I was a bit surprised to see a sixth figure, another male, sitting with them at ease as they seemed to chat in a big, comfortably furnished living space. I recognized him instantly, and that's how I knew I had the right place. Laurent was supposed to have come here, to see how living this way might suit him. Judging from his red eyes, I doubted he'd tried very hard.

I decided to knock. It seemed like the polite thing to do, and I didn't want to offend these vampires. There were six of them, after all, and I didn't like those odds.

A tall woman with pale blond hair answered the door. Her eyes widened as she took in my appearance. Her stance shifted ever so slightly to the defensive. I held my hand up before she could speak.

"Tanya?" I said the only name I could pull from my human memories.

"Who are you?" she asked bluntly. My knowing her name seemed to make her even tenser, if that was possible.

"I'm Bella," I said softly, a small, brittle smile playing on my stiff lips. I hadn't had a reason to smile for days, even before my forced change.

"Bella," she said, her expression carefully blank.

"Bella!" a voice called from inside, cultured, beautiful. I glared at Laurent as he sprang to the door, a grin lighting his face.

"So Victoria found you, I take it?" he asked smugly.

Six pairs of eyes glared at him suddenly, and I think Laurent realized he'd made a mistake. "That is...I knew that she was planning to find your boyfriend, and then she said that you might be the better target...well, with the company you were keeping, I didn't think you would really mind her plan all that much," he said smoothly, stepping out the door into the snow and backing up a bit as the other Denali vampires joined Tanya, crowding into the doorway.

"You thought I wouldn't mind?!" I snarled, feeling something inside of me snap. I was on him at once, marveling at my own strength as I held him to the ground by his throat. "My father is dead right now and my mother may be as well, and you didn't think to send any warning?! You thought that her plan was good?!" I realized that my voice was echoing through the small valley, but I didn't care. I snapped his neck before the Denalis had a chance to stop me, and then I was on my feet again.

"I'm sure that won't keep him down for long, but it felt good to get that one off my chest. The only thing better will be to kill his little friend as soon as I find her," I told the other vampires grimly. They just eyed me silently, all on the defensive now.

I shook my head. "I'm not here to do the same to you, so just relax, alright? I know that you have ways to get in contact with the Cullens, and while I was being changed, I was given a duty to perform," I said coldly, drawing strength from the pit growing inside of me where my emotions should be. Where they might spring from, later. Right now, that pit was all that was keeping me upright, all that was allowing me to survive.

"What message do you have for the Cullens, then?" Tanya asked warily. It was obvious that she knew who I was now. Her eyes gave away her confusion. Perhaps she thought I should be begging them to let me stay or begging them to help me find the Cullens. I'm sure she had orders from him as to what to do if I showed up like that.

Too bad that none of them had seen this ahead of time, not even Alice. Or maybe she had, and she just hadn't cared. Who knows? But they were about to find out exactly what the consequences of their abrupt departure had been.

"As you can see, I'm a vampire now. If you could please let Carlisle know that this was Edward's punishment, and mine, for James's death, I would appreciate it," I told them coldly. I turned as if to leave, giving in to a sudden melodramatic urge. I whispered softly, knowing the vampires behind me could hear me, "And let them know that my family is dead, and Victoria will be shortly. Then they will never have to hear from me again."

I started running, then, in case they tried to follow me. I heard no pursuit, though, so I eventually slowed down a bit. This next part would be harder. I would have to go to Florida, find out where Victoria had killed my mother by investigating during the night only, and then hunt her. I didn't think I had any special tracking abilities, so this might take me a while.


	4. The Hunt

If I had stopped to think, I might have realized how close to impossible it would be to track a single vampire across the globe. I couldn't stop to think, though. If I had, I might not have had the strength to move again, to make my body follow my chosen course. I was freezing inside, slowly, allowing nothing but the burn of my thirst and the heat of my revenge to warm me. Soon the revenge would be complete, I thought at first, and then I would have only my thirst for comfort.

Victoria had been to my mother's house a few days before I arrived in Jacksonville. This was obvious from the smell of blood which had been washed away, the stains in the grout missed by whoever had done the cleaning. The house was thankfully empty, and they'd been living there for such a short period of time that there were few mementos of my mother spread around. I tucked a small framed picture of her into my bag along with the one from the house in Forks, trying to block out the emotions which threatened to rise from the black pit inside of me. To quell it, I turned my focus back to my task. There was barely a hint of Victoria's scent left, only enough to lead me to the airport. I wanted to groan at that, but I held my breath and went inside. Careful questioning of the airline clerks and a bribe that ate a sizable chunk of my remaining cash produced the answer I needed. Victoria had gone to Rio de Janeiro.

I used the last of my money to purchase a ticket to Rio. My plane would be leaving in three hours. That gave me enough time to run down ten or twenty raccoons. That would have to get me through the flight. I was not looking forward to thirteen hours without breathing, but I would do what I had to in order to find Victoria. She was now the focus of my every thought. I kept myself occupied during the flight by imagining what I would do to her when I found her. I think I might have scared the passenger next to me when I smiled at a particularly amusing mental image, so I decided to close my eyes and feign sleep. It wasn't difficult to remain still for the final ten hours, although I did wish that I didn't have to move my shoulders as if I was breathing. It would have been a relief to not have to move at all.

When I arrived in Rio, I immediately detected Victoria's scent leaving the airport. I followed her through that maze of a city, barely paying attention to the humans around me. Her scent called to me as it pulled me away from the outskirts of Rio and into the Amazon jungle.

I followed her scent for two days, focusing on getting closer to her. When I thought her scent was fresh enough that I was probably only a few hours away, I stopped near a small village to feed. I knew I would need all of my strength when I attacked, and my instincts told me that human blood would be best for that.

I hadn't expected the mixture of emotions I felt when I killed my first human. I thought that it would be easy, since I no longer felt all of those messy human emotions aside from the residuals about my family, the desire to avenge their deaths. All I knew now was my thirst and my anger at Victoria. Nothing else would matter, would it? So I waited until the large male human was alone, on the outskirts of the village, and then I lunged for him. Like the bear days previously, my teeth were in his throat before he could make a sound, and then all I knew was the pleasure of my first taste of human blood. It was the sweetest, most delicious thing I had ever tasted, just as I'd suspected from the scent. Once he was drained, however, I felt a small kernel of remorse burrow into my empty heart. He had done nothing wrong, had simply been in the wrong place at the right time—for me—and I had killed him. I had become a monster after all.

I wouldn't let myself think of that, however. I could tell that this new blood coursing through me had increased my strength by a great deal, and I had to act fast. I didn't want to lose that advantage, so I ran into the jungle again. Let the villagers make what they wanted of the body.

Victoria's scent was so near now that I was practically panting from the anticipation I felt as I drew it in. I knew I had to keep my head if I wanted to win against her, though. I'd seen how being angry had actually handicapped…the one fighting James, and I didn't want that to happen to me. So I suppressed my fury, let it grow cold along with the other emotions I had once felt, until my mind was as icy as I knew my skin would feel to human touch.

I caught a glimpse of red through the trees. She had to know I was here now. Was she running, afraid? Or was she getting ready to face me? I had no idea what to expect as I lunged through the trees to land beside her.

"Hello, Bella," she murmured with a small smile. That was unexpected.

I was in no mood for conversation. I crouched down, ready to leap on her.

"Now, now, Bella, that's not being very polite." She practically sang the words.

I stared at her warily. She wasn't frightened. She wasn't surprised. Surely she'd been expecting this, but so soon? The confusion broke my focus for that crucial moment.

Suddenly there were other scents in the air. I recognized the individual scents of two other vampires, and I tensed. She had found friends, apparently.

"I knew you would be coming, Bella, so I made a few friends along the way," she grinned at me.

I wanted to rip her throat out, but two vampires stepped out of the trees on either side of her. They looked similar to the human I had recently fed on, short and thin, but I recognized their bright crimson eyes instantly. I'd seen the same color in a reflection of my own eyes when I looked in my vanity mirror back home, prompting me to grab sunglasses to hide the shade before I left my room. These were new vampires, like me. So now the odds were three to one. I wasn't sure I liked that, but then, who cared what happened to me, as long as I could take Victoria down with me?

I lunged to the right, feinting towards one of the newborns. He snarled at me and reached for my throat, but it was the easiest thing to the world to jump over him, flip and land behind Victoria. It took less than a second to reach for her throat, but a stinging sensation on my arm forced me to back up. One of the newborns had bitten me, leaving a nasty open wound. Well, at least it wasn't really bleeding.

I feinted again, this time at Victoria, leading her two protectors to jump in front of her, just where I wanted them. I broke off my feint and then leaped again. From my hunting forays I now knew I could jump much higher and farther than I would have previously thought, and I used that advantage. I snarled at Victoria as she tried to back up into the trees. Those thick branches were hardly a match for me as I crashed through them to land on top of her. I snapped her neck quickly between my hands, as I had Laurent's. This really wasn't as fun as I'd hoped it would be, but I had two attackers on my back and couldn't enjoy the moment as I wished. I ripped her arms and legs off quickly and then grabbed the lighter I'd also stolen at the airport out of my back pocket. I lit her head and body on fire just as the two newborns slammed into me. I felt some of the flames lick at my own skin, but they were quickly extinguished as I rolled on the ground trying to fight off my attackers.

I felt a bite on my neck, on the other side from the one Victoria had given me, and another on my bare calf. I struggled underneath them, but for some reason they were much stronger than Victoria had been, and it was difficult for me to push them away. I screamed in fury, not in terror, my fingers reaching out to find purchase on their smooth skin, nails scraping but not piercing.

Apparently, the one scream was enough. I'd been so distracted by the fight that I hadn't noticed other scents converging on us, hadn't realized what was coming until it was too late.


	5. Reunions

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed the first few chapters of my inaugural Twilight fic. I'm sorry it's taken me longer than usual to post this chapter. I've been a little distracted with RL stuff. In case you're worried I'll abandon this one, it is already completed. I'm just doling it out to give myself some time to finish the sequel and get well into the next story (still on Chapter 6 out of a planned 35-40!). Also, I'm looking for a good beta for the above stories (and this one if you have some opinions on things that could be changed), so PM me if you're interested!**

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I would have recognized two of those scents in my sleep, if I could have slept. I let my body go limp underneath my two attackers. It might be better just to give in, before they arrived. After all, my task was done. I didn't want any pain from my human life coming back to haunt me. Let it all end here. Snarls of anger and frustration reached my ears, but I tuned them out. It didn't matter what these newborns thought; it didn't matter what those coming thought. I was finished.

The newborns were ripped off of me faster than even I could have imagined. I saw one being attacked by two vampires, one short with dark hair, the other tall with pale blond hair. The second one was dealt with by their opposite pair, a tall blond man and a slight woman with wavy brown hair. They were all four poetry in motion compared to the newborns, and I watched in awe for a moment before a pale hand entered my view. Ah, yes. Him.

I rose to my feet on my own, not even glancing at him. Instead, I watched the mop up job quietly, trying to decide how quickly I would have to run to escape these five. My shoulders slumped a little when I realized there would be no escape. I would not disappear in silence as I wanted to. I would be forced into this scene whether I wanted to be or not.

"You know, I still can't read your thoughts," he said in a conversational tone. I wanted to turn and stare at him as if he were insane. He sounded so normal, so pleasant. I wanted to rip his throat out almost as much as I'd wanted to rip out Victoria's. So I just kept looking in the opposite direction.

Alice, Jasper, Carlisle and Esme finished ripping apart the newborns and threw them into the fire I had begun with Victoria. I felt a moment of remorse for the jungle surrounding us. That fire would need to be tended so it wouldn't spread. It was already growing a bit too much.

Then that distraction disappeared when they turned to me. I began to back up very slowly. Surely they knew. Surely they'd found what I had done, if they followed my path, if they had tracked me while I tracked Victoria. They must be so angry with me right now.

Four pairs of amber eyes stared at me, and I was able to recognize the emotions in each. Pain, happiness, despair, joy, sadness. No disappointment, no fear of what I had become. What might happen next.

"I guess Tanya sent you my message," I said lamely. It was all I could come up with. I really needed a distraction so that I could run. I just couldn't think of anything that would actually work.

"Of course, Bella. She thought you might need us," Carlisle said calmly. He reached out his hand towards me.

It was too close. They'd left, abandoning me when I needed them most. Had they known that Victoria was in the area? The thought crossed my mind again. Had Alice seen what would happen? I couldn't do this. I turned by back to them and started walking. It was all I could do. I knew they would follow. I heard their footsteps keeping pace with me steadily. There was no menace in their measured strides, although I felt panic start to seep through me anyway.

"I'm sure it wasn't hard to figure out after that," I commented as casually as I could. "After all, even I was able to pick up her trail. What I don't know is why you bothered."

"Alice saw her make the newborns. She saw you...die." His voice was soft, and if I hadn't known better, I would have thought it contained a world of pain. I was sure it was something closer to contempt, of course.

"Yes, let's save the new vampire from hurting herself avenging her family. Too bad you weren't watching when I really needed you. Well, hopefully Bella the danger-magnet died in that little clearing, so you can be on your way," I said, using sarcasm to hide my hurt.

He grabbed my arm, and I hissed and whirled around, dropping into a crouch. I was ready to attack him. I wanted to, wanted to do something to make this pain go away. I thought I had all the tumbling emotions, the pain and betrayal, frozen inside of me, but I was wrong. It looked like I needed to do something more permanent. I flexed my fingers experimentally, my lips drawing away from my teeth in a snarl.

"No, Bella! I'm sorry! I'm sorry I let this jerk convince me not to look for you, to leave you alone! Please don't do anything you'll regret. It's my fault! I shouldn't have listened to him. I should have kept an eye on you!" Alice cried, jumping in front of him.

I laughed harshly. "Oh, I'm not mad at you, Alice. Remember, I wanted this. I think I still do. What I don't want is to be bothered by any of you. I'm enjoying my new life. Couldn't you tell?" I asked her, looking down at her with my crimson eyes. I smiled at her cruelly to hide how much it hurt me to be unkind to her, even after everything that had happened.

I knew they could smell the human on me, and it made me feel good. I bounded away from them before they could say anything more, running as fast as I could back towards that little village, determined to make my point. I wasn't one of them. I wouldn't let myself want to be.


	6. Remorse

**A/N: This is a fairly short chapter, but it's packed with emotion. Also, Bella is slightly OOC in her vampiric nature, but nothing too drastic.**

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I caught the scent of human further from the village than I thought I would. I let the feeding frenzy take over again as I tracked her skillfully, and then I had her. I fed even though I wasn't truly that thirsty. The fight hadn't taken all that long, hadn't drained me of strength completely. In a way, slaking my slight thirst with the warm, rich blood felt similar to my old human reaction of grabbing some ice cream or macaroni and cheese as comfort food.

I let her lifeless body fall from my hands, smooth bronze skin and soft woven cloth pooled at my feet. I didn't need to look at her, I thought. She was just one more dead human. In truth, despite everything I said to the Cullens I didn't want to see what I had done. My eyes traveled downward anyway.

Her skin was a pale brown, her hair and her lifeless eyes black, and yet somehow she still reminded me of Renee. Perhaps it was the line of her jaw or her height. I don't know what it was, but suddenly something broke inside of me, and I knelt on the ground next to her body. The sobbing started without my conscious thought. I wished bitterly for the relief of tears, but they would never come again.

Hard arms slid around me, comforting, but they were arms I didn't recognize. I didn't care. I just wanted to be done. I'd lied when I said I liked what I had become. I didn't like it at all.

"Shh, Bella, shh." Ah, how ironic. The vampire who'd started this all was comforting me? I would have laughed if I wasn't hurting so much. Instead, I let him hold me as the silent sobs shook my body. It was my penance for what I had just done.

Finally that tear-less sobbing stopped. I gathered myself together enough to pull out of those arms, away from the surprising warmth. Weren't vampires cold? I crossed my arms around my stomach, wondering if it was even possible for me to vomit anymore yet sure I felt nauseous.

"Are you okay now?" Jasper asked. I nodded without looking at him. "The others stayed back a little. They thought...I might be able to be a little more understanding." I heard the hesitant smile in his voice and couldn't help looking up at him.

"Why didn't you try to calm me?" I asked him.

"You need to grieve, Bella. You need that more than you need anything else right now," Jasper said quietly.

I nodded. "I shouldn't have done this," I said, gesturing towards the woman's broken body. "I was doing better, before I came here. It was so easy, though." There was wonder in my voice, along with the sadness. "It shouldn't have been like this."

Jasper reached out and placed his hand on my shoulder. "I know. None of this should have happened."

I knew that he was apologizing for trying to kill me back in Forks, for being the catalyst that caused me to be changed before I was ready, while my heart was still shattered into a million pieces. Maybe he could tell what that had done to me, during my change. His power still confused me sometimes. I wondered how much he could tell about what I was feeling just then.

I reached up tentatively to squeeze his hand before moving away. I didn't have a destination. I just knew that I had to get away from the woman, away from what I had done. Jasper followed behind me like a shadow. I couldn't help but feel a small bit of amusement that he was now acting as my protector, although he still hadn't made any effort to calm me. Maybe he knew more than I thought about what was going to happen when we got back to the others. I was sure that's where we were headed, although I was reluctant to see them with the blood still wet on my clothes, my hair. I'd been a bit messier this time in my haste.


	7. New Chances

**A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews and follows! Hopefully my readers will enjoy the final two chapters as much!**

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They were waiting next to a small river not far away. I wondered idly whether this river went all the way to the Amazon. I thought about how much water must pass by here each day. I tried to estimate how wide it was, from one bank to the other. It was better to concentrate on anything except how I was feeling right then, how I knew my words and actions must have hurt them. Perhaps that was Jasper's influence because I should have still been angry enough to kill him, standing there next to Carlisle and Esme. I still couldn't even think his name, just as I hadn't been able to for days.

I felt my spine stiffen as we neared them. Suddenly it felt as if Jasper were my jailer, not my support, so I moved slightly to the left, away from him. It was still them against me, I knew. They would try to make me believe the lie that they still cared, even when I knew it wasn't true. I had to believe it wasn't true because if they cared, why had they left me all alone?

"What part of 'I don't want to be bothered' do you people not understand?" I ground out in frustration before any of them could speak. I had to get the upper hand here.

"We know better than that, Bella. You're still part of our family," Esme said.

"Family? I don't have any family anymore. Edward and Victoria made sure of that," I said as nonchalantly as possible. There. I had said his name. Maybe it would be easier after that.

I raised my eyes to his and glared. I tried not to allow the small bit of hurt I felt when he flinched away from my red eyes bother me. Maybe he was disgusted by the blood soaking my shirt. I hoped he was. I hoped they all were. Nope, Jasper was definitely still not using his gift on me, unless it was just to monitor my condition.

"You do have a family, Bella. We all still love you. We only left to protect you," Carlisle told me. He approached me even more slowly than before. This time I let him. What would it hurt, anyway? These people meant nothing to me anymore. I wouldn't let them.

I went on the offensive instead. "Would you like to know what Victoria said to me while I was changing? It was all so very interesting," I said, still glaring at Edward, willing him to look back at me. I let the silence continue until he raised his eyes to mine. He looked tortured. Good. I paced a little closer to him, stopping just out of arm's reach.

"She wanted to be able to tell you that I screamed when she caught me, but I hadn't. So then she decided that I should tell you myself about my screams, the ones ripped from me during my change. Shall we go into that, Edward? Should I tell you that it was excruciating, that it felt as if I was being pulled limb from limb? Should I tell you that when I was finally able to hear again, when my screams had quieted down to mostly whimpers, that's when she told me about my parents? She'd already killed Charlie, and next she was going for Renee. I started screaming again, then. I wanted to beg her to stop, promise anything if she'd at least leave Renee alone. I couldn't get the words out, but I think she understood. She laughed. But that wasn't enough. She wanted to know how much I would disgust you as a vampire, since she thought you preferred me as a human. Too bad for her purposes she was wrong on that account, right? At least she didn't get to stick around to see how right she was in the other sense," I muttered.

Edward moved towards me then. I didn't flinch when his hands grabbed mine, although I wanted to. I also wanted to deny the sudden heat I felt when our skin met. This wasn't going to happen. I wasn't going to let my stupid heart melt at his touch.

"You can't believe that, Bella! Please don't believe that," he whispered. His voice was hoarse, his golden eyes pleading.

I wasn't going to fall for it this time. "What, Edward, did you think you were the only one who could change his mind? Well, maybe I've changed mine. A new perspective can do that for you," I said, yanking my hands from his easily. I turned to stalk away, vaguely aware that we were now alone.

"I never changed my mind about you, Bella," he said softly.

I whirled around to glare at him again. "So you never really felt anything for me, is that what you're saying? It was all just a sick game? Play with the human's mind?"

"No!" he shouted. "The only time I ever lied to you was when I told you I didn't love you! I had to try to protect you, and you weren't going to let me go. I thought...I was too dangerous. I thought my family was too dangerous." His perfectly straight shoulders slumped at this, and now he was the one turning away from me. "I was wrong. We never should have left. If we'd stayed-"

"If you had stayed, Victoria still would have taken whatever route she could have to hurt us. You just gave her a convenient opening," I told him. What was I doing? I didn't want to comfort him.

"But she might not have changed you. You'd still be human."

I sucked in a breath quickly, although I didn't really need it. It didn't help the pain stabbing through my chest where my heart should have been. Victoria had been right, then. For some reason, he had still wanted me as a human, but he didn't want me as a vampire. I saw it all so clearly.

"I guess she got one of her wishes fulfilled, then," I said.

Edward turned back to me quickly. Before I could say anything more he grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me. "Bella, don't be so stupid. I don't care about any of that now! I'm just glad that you're alive, that you're safe," he said. His beautiful amber eyes begged me to believe that, but I couldn't it.

"If you were so worried about my safety before, why wouldn't you change me yourself, or let Carlisle do it? You never wanted me around forever," I accused him, trying to break free. His hands held me with a desperate strength, though, so I gave that up quickly.

"No, Bella, I just didn't want you to give up what I regretted losing. I didn't want you to have to suffer like I do. Please believe me. I love you. I'll always love you," he said. He pulled me into his arms, and I went willingly. I was suddenly so tired of fighting.

"I wish I could believe you, Edward. It's so hard. You took everything away from me when you left, and I can't even get a small portion of it back. I'll never see my parents again. I think I could live with it all, except that. I don't know how long it will take until I can trust your love again, or if I ever can," I whispered against his chest. I felt the sobbing try to take hold again, and I pushed it back. What was the use of crying if you had no tears?

"I'll wait. I swear to you I'll wait as long as it takes to earn your trust again, to prove to you that I love you. I'll never leave your side again."

I felt the words wash away some of the pain I'd been living with constantly for the past few days, the anguish I'd been hiding from more or less successfully, although there was plenty still left. Maybe if he said them often enough, I would believe them.

"I still love you, Edward, even...after everything that's happened, even when I tell myself I shouldn't, that I hate you for what you let happen. I just need time to believe that you really love me, too," I told him, looking up into his face.

"I promise that you'll have all the time that you need. I won't leave unless you ask me to," Edward said. He reached up a hand to brush a strand of hair off of my face.

"I won't ask you to. I never wanted you to leave me," I told him. There was that damn sobbing feeling again. I was concentrating so hard on pushing it back down that I didn't see Edward's face lowering towards mine until it was too late. His lips, so warm now but still hard and smooth, claimed mine, and I found it suddenly very difficult to think.

The kiss lasted bare moments. I would have protested when he lifted his head, but his black eyes gave me some warning. "Bella, I think you should really go rinse your mouth out now," he told me. His arms were still locked around me, though.

"Oops," I said. Then, "Um, Edward, you're going to have to let me go so I can do that."

"Right," he said, taking steadying breaths that he didn't really need.

I slipped out of his arms and down to the river, grimacing a little at the taste of the water in my mouth even as I rinsed and then tried to wash some of the blood out of my shirt. That was a lost cause, though. I was pretty much finished when I heard the others come back.

"Are you okay?" I heard Esme ask Edward, so I knew they hadn't been close enough to listen.

"I think so," he murmured back.

I straightened, realizing something. I was really going to have to face Carlisle now. If I planned on giving them all another chance, which it seemed like I was, I was going to have to let myself feel the guilt about killing those humans all over again. I really wasn't looking forward to that.

Then I felt a calm steal over me, and I threw a wry half-smile over my shoulder. "Where were you a few minutes ago, Jazz?" I asked him.

"You didn't need me then," he told me seriously.

I walked back to them slowly, still looking anywhere but at Carlisle. Then I stopped in front of him and lifted my eyes to his. Warmth and love engulfed me, deeper than I knew I deserved. I licked my lips nervously, desperately moistening them as if that would make it easier to let the words slip out.

"I'm sorry," I told him quietly. "I should have been stronger than that."

He smiled down at me sadly. "We are what we are. You're still a newborn, Bella. You couldn't help yourself."

I knew that he had forgiven me, but suddenly I was confused. He seemed to be using the word "newborn" in a different way than I had, as if there was something significant about it. I frowned as I tried to figure it out. After a few seconds I realized that the only way I could get an answer was to ask directly.

"What exactly do you mean by newborn, Carlisle?" I asked him warily.

The five of them exchanged glances, and my confusion turned to nervousness. What was going on?

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**A/N 2: Please remember that Bella was fairly ignorant on the matter of newborns by the time that the Cullens left in _New Moon_. It wasn't until _Eclipse_ that she began to understand exactly what she was getting herself into, and then only barely.**


	8. Some Good News, Some Bad News

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews and follows! I hope this meets your expectations!**

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Carlisle ran a hand through his hair, his expression a little frazzled. This didn't look good. He hadn't looked this bad the whole time I was venting my anger at them, and now he chose to act like the world was about to end when he finally managed to get around to telling me what I had missed.

"You see, Bella, newly made vampires are usually very...uncontrollable. They're stronger than the rest of us because of their own human blood still coursing through their veins-"

I had to interrupt him there. "Wait a second. Do you mean that I'm stronger than all of you right now? That...Whoa." They let me take that in for a minute. "Wow, I think I need to talk to Emmett next," I said, my eyes narrowing. I could think of a few comments he needed to be very sorry about from when I was a human.

Again they exchanged odd glances, but I wasn't paying much attention, lost in fantasies of finally getting back at the strongest vampire I'd ever known, in his own element. Maybe I could see who could take down the biggest grizzly. That would really get him going.

"Ahem, Bella," Carlisle cleared his throat. "As I was saying, newborns are stronger than the rest of us, and their thirst is unquenchable. Most vampires can't stand to be in anywhere near a human without killing them for the first year. You, well, you seem to be having an easier time at that than most newborns."

I considered this for a moment. A different aspect of the whole strength thing made itself known, and I moaned. "I didn't have to kill that man before my fight with Victoria. I was strong enough with just the animal blood anyway," I spoke the words aloud knowing that they were the truth, seeing how irresponsible I'd been. But how could I have known?

Edward put his arms around me gently and repeated my own thought to me unknowingly, "How could you have known? We've never talked much about being a newborn around you. I didn't...want to scare you." A sigh accompanied this confession.

"The point is that you're actually quite amazing for a newborn," Esme said, coming to stand beside us and wrap her arm around my waist.

"I've never known of another newborn who truly wanted to survive on animal blood before you, Bella. Even Edward, Esme, Rosalie and Emmett were reluctant at first. I think they only followed my idea to please me, not because they wanted to do it in their own right. But you survived several days without touching human blood, and then you only did it because you thought you had to..." Carlisle shook his head in wonder.

I couldn't let him believe that of me. "No, Carlisle. There was the woman, too," I reminded him.

"Everybody has their rebellious streak, and you perhaps had more right to yours than anyone else I know," Edward told me, squeezing me a little tighter.

"But...human blood tastes so good," I wailed a little. Alice danced over warily and put her arm around me, too. I let my head fall to her shoulder. "It's not fair," I muttered.

"No, but I know that you agree with me that it's a better way to live than preying off of them. If you didn't, I don't think you would have felt so awful after you killed your second one." Carlisle's voice was kinder than I deserved.

"I guess so," I said.

Another thought occurred to me as I stood there wrapped in caring arms. Thinking about Emmett earlier had jarred loose a piece of my brain, I think, and suddenly there was an avalanche of thought.

"Where are Emmett and Rosalie?" I asked, pulling away from Edward a little. "Are they alright?"

Esme was the one to answer my questions. "When we got the message from Tanya and Alice saw that you would need our help because of Victoria's decision to make two more newborns, Rosalie...declined to come with us." Her voice was harder than I could remember hearing it, and I don't think it was just my improved senses. "She believed that the five of us would be more than enough to 'get you out of trouble this time.'" That sounded like a quote. "Emmett stayed with her to try and talk her around."

I felt that odd pain in my chest again, and I knew that it was hurt. I'd known that Rosalie didn't like me for some reason, but to refuse to come with the family during a crisis...At least I knew that Emmett was still on my side.

"I don't know if I can do this," I whispered.

"What do you mean?" Alice was the one with the question, her voice panicked.

"I can't tear your family apart," I said slowly, not wanting to speak the words. "If it would be better for everyone if I were no longer part of your lives-"

"It wouldn't!"

"How could you think that, Bella?!"

"Rose will get over it!"

"All we need is time!"

"Don't say that!"

They all spoke at once, rushing to reassure me. The only one I truly believed was Edward. His plea for me not to speak about leaving sounded full of agony, and I couldn't help responding. I felt the last of my resistance melting away, although I wasn't foolish enough to let him know yet. He still deserved to sweat about it a little—well, worry, anyway.

"Alright," I agreed with them all. "So where do we go from here?"

Esme's arm around my waist pulled me away from Edward, and I let it. I wrapped my arm around her waist in return as she led me through the jungle, the others falling in behind us.

"Well, we're staying in this beautiful house we own in Boston..."

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**A/N 2: This is the end of "Darkest Night", but hope comes with the "Golden Dawn", so stay tuned!**


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